January 26, 2015 by Writing Campus
Stock Photo of Rupert MacKenzie
LEOCH – This past Saturday, Rupert MacKenzie of Castle Leoch purchased an enormous Percheron stallion for his personal use. Percherons are normally used for draft work or pulling coaches, and – given Mr. MacKenzie’s usual requirements of such a mount – seemingly a poor choice for everyday riding.
“Ye dinna buy a horse that big unless ye want to be eaten out of house and home, or ye’re standin’ behind it as it pulls a plow,” Old Alec MacKenzie, Leoch Horsemaster, stated upon seeing the horse. “Rupert may be a fat man, but he doesna need to buy an elephant to tote his fat arse around, or be makin’ up for his size issues by buyin’ a horse bigger than he needs or can handle!” Old Alec continued, “It doesna help that the animal eats twice as much as every other mount in the stable and shits twice as often too… Perhaps that’s the resemblance Rupert was lookin’ for.”
Rupert MacKenzie seemed less concerned about the horse’s uneconomical consumption needs and instead responded to accusations that the horse’s size was somehow compensating for something. “Alec can shut it! I didna buy the horse because my cock is small. Ask any of the lasses in the Cranesmuir brothel – they all say it’s huge!” MacKenzie then gestured to his genitals and said, “Why would I buy a horse with a cock bigger than my own, eh?”
Mr. MacKenzie’s companion, Angus Mhor, burst into laughing at this point, saying, “Ye bought it so ye could point to it’s cock and say, ‘Mine’s bigger!’ Ye said so when we were at the horse fair, ye great gob!” MacKenzie then shoved Mhor, who wrestled him to the ground, where they proceeded to fight each other for several minutes.