January 8, 2015 by Writing Campus
Ma wee bairn, who be two this Hogmanay, is no lettin’ go o’ the teet. Can ya give me some advice on how te ween the little heathen before the next bairn is born in a month’s time?
Thank Ya Kindly,
Teets Hangin’ Low
Rupert: Weel, lassie, I’ve no great experience in weening bairns, seein’ as how I’ve none that I ken so far. But I do ken that with cows ye tend to put the calf in a separate pasture than the mother. So could ye perhaps put yer bairn in a wee box and leave him with a bowl of milk? He may skelletch a bit, but when he’s hungry he’ll eat. Worked for me mam!
Angus: Rupert doesna ken what he’s talkin’ about – his mither kept him on the tit till he had whiskers. It’s why he’s so fat! My mam had ten bairns, one right after another. The only way she could get us off the tit was to dip it in whiskey each time she fed us until we wanted the real thing! I suppose if it’s a lassie, ye could use port instead.
Best of luck to ye,
Rupert & Angus