Dear Highlander: My husband’s a louse!


December 11, 2014 by Writing Campus

Dear Highlander received this question for Angus and Rupert:

Fauxlander Question 12102014

Dear @TheRonTerryShow,

Rupert: I dinna ken why smellin’ of drink and wantin’ a wee bit of love from his missus is such terrible thing for a wife! All men smell of drink, among other things, aye? Unless his knob is a mingy, peedy thing, can ye no just think of the laundry or what to buy at the market and let him do his business? At least he’s out of the house durin’ the day and no pesterin’ ye… If ye need a sober and abstinent husband, ye’ve come to the wrong country!

Angus: If ye’re pure skunnurt wi’ the lad, there be two quick ways to sober him up: skelp him wi’ a fryin’ pan, or – if ye’re truly desperate, ye ken – refuse to give him a ride when he gets back from the tavern. A fortnight without yer company and he’ll either ken his manners or his willy’ll fall off from personal overuse. Another plan: get the lad so drunk, he canna keep a cockstand. That way, he may be drunk, but at least he’ll leave ye alone! Should ye be findin’ yerself in need of romantic company, there be plenty of gentlemen who would be willin’ to show ye a good time in a haystack, if ye ken what I mean!

Your drunk


One thought on “Dear Highlander: My husband’s a louse!

  1. @PSCaramel says:

    Dear Fauxlander,
    Ma wee bairn, who be two this Hogmanay, is no lettin’ go o’ the teet. Can ya give me some advice on how te ween the little heathen before the next bairn is born in a month’s time?

    Thank Ya Kindly,
    Teets Hangin’ Low


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