Dear Highlander: I Canna Handle My Drink!

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October 9, 2014 by Writing Campus

Rupert and Angus
“Dear Highlander” answers your most pressing concerns every Thursday!  

Dear Highlander,

I’m embarrassed to say, but I can’t seem to handle my drink. Be it Rhennish, Whisky, Mead or some nasty drink the stinkin Lobsterbacks call “Claret”. How’s a girl suppose to have a good time at Gatherings, weddings, floggings and such if she canna even remain upright after a glass or two? How does one build a constitution to such libations to join in on the fun?

Sincerely, Cheap Date Lass


Dear Cheap Date Lass,

Rupert: Ye must build up a tolerance, ye ken? Ye canna expect to fight a battle the first time ye put a sword in your hand. The same goes with drink. Ye must practice yer drinkin’ in order to be good at it and no spend all yer energy in the first. It might also be useful if ye find a friend who can assist ye when you’re heavy malkied. Are ye a bonny lass? Perhaps we could meet up at the next thief whippin’ or sheep matin’ if ye are? I’d take good care of ye and finish whatever ale ye canna drink!

Angus: Weel, tha’s just disgraceful! A woman who canna hold her drink? Get it right up ye! Psh. Every Scots woman I know can drink to the last drop and still be ready to dance a reel. Yer heid may be a bit loupin’ the next day, but ye’ll be fine. My solution? Ye must drink more, not less. By the way, if ye’re no so bonnie, I’ll take ye to the sheep matin’ myself.


Readers are welcome to submit questions and quandaries to Rupert and Angus via Facebook messenger or Twitter.


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