NEWSFLASH: Visiting Lawyer Restructures Whorehouse Retirement Plan

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September 29, 2014 by Writing Campus

(left to right) Mairi, Ms. Edina Duncan, and Isabella, of The Out Inn Brothel

Edina Duncan, madam of The Out Inn brothel, received a welcome visit from visiting barrister and accountant Ned Gowan, Esquire. Duncan, whose brothel has been in the red for the last four months, was close to losing her whorehouse license for inability to pay full benefits to her employees.

Duncan commented, “I canna pay retirement, ye ken. While no doubt the girls need it once they’re of a certain age, it’s not usual for a brothel not to provide such benefits. I would like it meself, but I canna afford to pay!” While Duncan is required by Scots law to provide full benefits to her employees, retirement benefits fall under a legal gray area, especially within brothel laws.

“Ach, no,” said Mairi, one prostitute currently employed at The Out Inn. “I know that down at the Red-Breasted Bird the girls get dental, and they don’t have half the customers that we do!” Another employee, Isabella, complained, “We work all day and all night, and I canna become a nun when I’m old, ye ken.”

Prior to Mr. Gowan’s arrival, Ms. Duncan’s employees had been close to striking, which would deprive the town of its most serviceable whores. Gowan, who had been hoping to secure a dress for a member of his traveling party, was persuaded to look over the Out Inn’s books by his companion for the afternoon.

“Aye,” Gowan said. “It’s an easy enough thing to review. A few adjustments, a cheaper wine for the house, and there ye are. Now the – ahem – ladies will have suitable investments should the time come for them to step away from their current employment situation.”

In thanks for his efforts, Mr. Gowan received 50% off for services performed at The Out Inn, as well as a free plus-one to the Fraser-Beauchamp wedding.


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