September 25, 2014 by Writing Campus
I’m a young lass who is in love with a man named “Jamie M.” No, that’s too obvious… “J. McTavish.” I think he likes me, because he took a beating for me at the hall and kissed me in the kitchen. At other times, he ignores me and spends his time chatting with another woman. I’ve tried love charms, but nothing works. Please, Highlander, tell me how to win this man’s heart!
Lassie in Love
Dear Lassie in Love,
Rupert: We have a few questions for ye. Foremaist, has this “J. McTavish” tried to grab yer paps or roger ye? Because if nae, he’s no interested. When a man wants a woman, he shows it through a grand display of his knob and bawbag. If ye havena seen it yet, you’re no likely to. I remember when Angus here gave Mrs. Beauchamp a wee peek under his kilt – that same night, she was offering him drink!
Angus: Have ye tried him while he’s blootered? A man is verra easy to win then. Mayhap ye need to show more of yer diddies, or yer ankles? Consider tha’ a man no likes to be chased. Does a ewe chase a ram in mating season? No. Offer him a wee dram, show yer busom, and give him a wink.
Best of luck to ye,
Rupert & Angus
For more advice from Rupert & Angus, click here!