NEWSFLASH: Crossdressing Garrison Commander?

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September 24, 2014 by Writing Campus

Lord Thomas
Brigadier General Sir Oliver, Lord Thomas

New allegations have come to light, as embattled Brigadier General Sir Oliver, Lord Thomas continues to deflect accusations of being compromised in his efficacy in toward enemies of the English crown. One of Lord Thomas’s stewards discovered a kilt-length piece of Grant clan tartan in the General’s quarters last night, an incident which occurred only weeks after Lord Thomas was disciplined for publicly showing his knees in what has since been called “a violation of proper military dressage.”

“What I have and do in my own quarters is none of your concern!” Lord Thomas commented in a heated statement on Friday. “My steward was mistaken. I am simply trying to learn more about the local culture so as to better bring them to order!”

One officer, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said, “We all know that he’s curious about what’s under a Scotsman’s kilt… but the General … he calls it a skirt.”

When asked about these accusations, the Brigadier General answered, “These are scurrilous lies being spread to undermine my authority! Any further insinuations regarding my private dressing habits will be dealt with swiftly and with due justice!” Lord Thomas refused to respond queries about his “private dressing habits.”

These accusations of “skirt-wearing” have already damaged the Brigadier General’s credibility in the Highlands. Local blacksmith Archie Douglas chuckled when asked to comment, stating, “Weel, if the honorable General canna tell the difference between a skirt an’ a kilt, it’s nae wonder he canna stop these raids. He’s likely invadin’ the hoor house!”


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